If you haven't seen the above video yet, I feel very sorry for you. Put on by the Flames, the two-minute video is fantastic.
I could write 2,000 words about this video, so I will. Here goes nothing!
- We open with some Derek Wills narration. Nothing wrong with Derek, though he gets rather growl-shouty when he's excited.
- The Flames Quartet of Dougie Hamilton, Brandon Bollig, Sam Bennett, and Markus Granlund are terrible singers, and as such, get treated as all awful Christmas carolers do: with doors slammed in their faces by people they can't see. Note their headgear.
- I'm still trying to figure out whose voice squeaks at approximately the :16 mark.
- The Flames Quartet is shocked by having these doors slammed in their faces. Dougie really feels it, going so far as to drop his book in shock.
- You know, I've always dreamed of watching four dejected Calgary Flames players stumble along a sidewalk over Elvis singing. Was this Brian Burke's idea?
- What's with the arm swing that Dougie does at :28? Does he have a cramp? Is he expressing disgust? I really don't know.
- "Aw, geez guys, I don't know what's wrong. We just don't... have it." - the Calgary Flames in November 2015
- "Christmas [is] the worst day to be [a] bad singer" - [insert your joke here]
- "I don't get it. Maybe we're just... missing something." - How about a good goalie?
- The Flames' doorbell reactions at :51 are all priceless, but Dougie Hamilton's "I-just-signed-a-huge-contract" face takes the cake.
- "What's this?" - I don't have a joke here.
- "Golly, thanks Santa Harv!" - "Santa Harv" aside, don't you think Bennett is trying to act a bit like Clark Kent here?
- Bollig opens his present with his teeth. Haha! Canned laughter!
- "Gadzooks! It's the new Flames ugly Christmas sweaters!" Haha! I actually laughed.
- Bollig takes the cake back from Dougie in the crazy-face contest at 1:14.
- "Oh gee whiz. I got the Flames... ugly patchwork Chris-sweater," mumbles a forgetful Markus Granlund.
- "Oh heavens me! I got the Flames ugly retro big logo crew sweater." Hey, anyone else getting the impression that Dougie is way too into this?
- Now Bennett's wearing glasses and... has a pipe? I was going to say he really is Clark Kent, but now what?
- Haha, Bollig gets the girls. The girls' sweater, mind you.
- "Only 74.99." Haha, casually-stated ridiculous prices. Seriously, though, that's ridiculous.
- Rover got the Flames' ugly sweater vest, which is also exorbitantly-priced.
- We end with the Flames dancing arm-in-arm towards the camera. How sweet. That's it for this post, folks. You can exit this page n-
- The Flames are suddenly transformed into beautiful singers. How does this make sense!?
HOW DOES THIS MAKE SENSE!?